Day 7: Mistakes Happen - Your Response Matters

Last night I was with a few friends, and somehow we ended up in a really honest conversation about how we handle our mistakes.   They shared some real struggles.
Forgetting an appointment.
Making a mistake at work.
Saying or doing something they’re embarrassed about.   And it all led to this question: How do we respond to ourselves when we mess up?   The truth is, what we believe about ourselves before the mistake deeply impacts how we treat ourselves after the mistake. If I already believe I don't measure up, one mistake feels like proof. But if the truth that I am loved, His masterpiece, and forgiven is deeply embedded in my heart, then I can move through the mistake in a healthy way.   Because mistakes don’t change who you are. Your identity doesn’t change because you do something you shouldn’t have.   There’s something else I’ve noticed, and maybe you’ll relate. We can have so many wins, do things well, and hear encouraging words, but one mistake or one negative comment is the thing we hold onto. We replay it. We let it outweigh everything else. The good gets dismissed, and the negative becomes the headline in our mind. You don’t have to erase the good because of one negative moment. You can acknowledge the mistake without letting it cancel out everything else that is true about you. You can learn from it, let it go, and keep moving forward without letting one moment overshadow who you really are.   Over the years, I’ve learned healthier ways to respond when I mess up. These four have become my go-to:

 

I pray Psalm 139:23–24.   “Search me, O God, and know my heart… test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”   I go to God and ask Him to help me clearly see what I did and why I did it.

If I forgot a meeting and I’m really mad at myself, I’ll ask Him, What is really at the root of this anger toward myself? Sometimes He brings something up that completely shifts my perspective. He may show me fear, pride, exhaustion, things I hadn’t even considered. It’s been amazing how He gently reveals what’s really going on beneath the surface. I think it’s so important that we ask God to show us what He wants us to see, both about what we did and about what’s happening in our hearts because of it.

 

I ask for and offer forgiveness.   If it’s something I did intentionally, I start by asking for God’s forgiveness, which I know He always gives. Then I may need to go to the person I hurt and ask for their forgiveness.   This can be hard for me. I don’t love admitting I did something wrong. But when I do, it brings freedom. I can’t think of a time I’ve said I was sorry and asked for forgiveness and wished I hadn’t.   And then there’s the part we don’t talk about enough. I have to forgive myself.   There have been times I’ve said harsh words to my husband or someone else. After I ask them for forgiveness, I still have to deal with my own internal dialogue. Staying mad at myself doesn’t help me grow. It just keeps me stuck. I’m not saying we don’t pray for help to grow and do better next time. We absolutely do. But we don’t keep replaying it with negative self-talk.   There are so many verses about forgiveness in the Bible, but have you ever considered that they include forgiving yourself? Listen to what Paul says in Ephesians 4:32 (ESV):
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”   We apply that to others much easier than we apply it to ourselves.

 

I remind myself that I did the best I could. I think moms can be the hardest on themselves. We often question the things we did and said. I remember as my youngest was driving down the driveway and heading to college, I reflected on how I was as a mom. I actually sat with God and asked Him, “Did I do it right? Was I the mom You wanted me to be?”   In my heart, I felt love pouring in as God asked me, “Did you do the best you could, given what you had?”   This was HUGE for me.   I thought back on times when I was far from perfect, like when I called my 10-year-old a psychopath, or told my teenage son that I was sending him to another country to live because he didn’t appreciate me. The list goes on. The beauty was that I knew in the deepest part of my heart that even in those moments, I wanted my kids to know how much I loved them. I wanted to do all I could to help them live the way Jesus did. But when life became overwhelming, I could lash out and not act the way I wanted. Even in those moments, I believe I did the best I could.   When you think back on something you did, something you said you wish you hadn’t, forgot to show up for a coffee date, or turned in wrong numbers at work, ask yourself, “Did I do the best I could, given what I had?” I have a feeling none of us messes up because we want to. There are often other things going on beneath the surface that play a role. Since you can’t do any better than the best you could, given what you had going on, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on.

 

Gut Genug   I have said these two German words to myself so many times: Gut Genug.   They mean “Good enough.”   Hear me. I am not talking about giving a half-hearted effort. I care deeply about doing things well. But there are times when I have to be okay with Gut Genug.   Sometimes we get upset with ourselves because something wasn’t perfect, but what if it was never supposed to be perfect in the first place?   I’ve actually had one woman write and tell me that my mistakes have helped her realize she doesn’t have to be perfect. I laughed and thought, hmm, I think that’s a good thing. I am good with my mess-ups if they help others realize that it’s OK to not be perfect.   Too many of us let perfectionism get in the way of doing what God is calling us to do. I honestly think some of the beautiful gifts God has placed inside us never get shared because we’re afraid someone will think we didn’t do it perfectly. That is so sad to me.   When we believe it has to be perfect, we’re not really leaving room for God to do what only He can do.   Often, after I do a FW talk, someone asks me how I felt it went, and my answer is typically the same. I did the best I could. It was gut genug, and I know that God will take care of the rest.   Don’t let perfectionism keep you from doing cool and meaningful things for the Kingdom.

 

Sometimes, I laugh. When I make an honest mistake, one I didn’t do on purpose, sometimes the healthiest thing I can do is laugh.   Like the time I printed hundreds of FW PAZAZ shirts. I named our cardio dance workouts PAZAZ because it is a Hebrew word used in 2 Samuel 6:14 to describe King David dancing joyfully with all his might. So I decided to print the word PAZAZ and 2 Samuel 6:14 on the shirt.   After the shirts were printed, I got a message from a kind woman who highly recommended that I double check the verse printed on the shirt. So I did and found that I had actually printed 2 Samuel 2:16 ?.   Which says:
“Then each man grabbed his opponent by the head and thrust his dagger into his opponent’s side…” Not quite the joyful dancing vibe I was going for.   I could have beaten myself up and told myself, I always mess things up. But it was an honest mistake. I didn’t do it on purpose. So I laughed. And laughed.   Make sure you listen to the video messages for some more of my “mess-up” stories, and I hope you’ll laugh along with me.   Here’s the path I’ve learned to stay away from. I don’t beat myself up, and I don’t let negative words define me or settle in my heart.   The enemy loves to make us question our true identity. He wants us to carry shame, to feel less than and unworthy. Let’s not let Satan gain any ground by letting his lies impact what we know about who we really are. Loved.
A masterpiece.
Forgiven.

Nothing you do can change that.